Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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