I think im going to throw up on grandma
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
