I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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