I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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