If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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