who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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