I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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