My friends, they love my intelligence
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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