Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
