did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
