People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
