I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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