please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
