dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
