i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
