are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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