There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
