all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
