Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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