I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
