Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize