is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
