Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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