it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
