lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
