So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
