The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
