two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize