i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
