Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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