I wannas sexs uuuuu
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there was a trapeze. enough said
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
