I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He shit in the fireplace
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
