The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
