So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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