I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
