YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
