Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
