glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
