He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize