It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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