somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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