M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
