Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
