Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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