I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
