if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
