Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
