I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
