Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
