it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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