At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
