And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
