respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
