Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
