i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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