Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
