I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
