I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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