Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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