If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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