shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
