Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
